Dealbreakers (III)

Ok, this should be such an obvious one, yet lots of people don’t seem to get it. This story is actually a few years old, but still worthy recounting. Not that I’m bitter, or anything.

I went to a party, and was introduced to D.. We started talking and found out we had lots of interests in common.  We moved to a quiet corner of the room and talked from 9pm until our host got incredibly impatient and threw us out at 3am.  I couldn’t tell you now what we actually talked about, but it was one of those really intense first-time-you-meet conversations with lots of chemistry and mutual agreement.

D. offered to walk me home (that alone is probably worth another post. I love being walked home.) and we continued to chat. At my house I asked him in for a cup of tea and we again continued to talk for hours. At around 7am, we were snuggled up on my sofa, still talking. He said he was going to leave for the 18th time, and then he left after a long lingering hug.

The next day (the same day, but just later) I had a conversation with the friend who introduced us. I asked him how he knew D. and he said:

“Oh, I think I first met his girlfriend through my course.”

Woah, what now? Girlfriend? The guy I had been talking to for ten hours straight – four of which cuddled up on my sofa stroking my hair- had a girlfriend? And somehow that girlfriend had not come up in ten hours worth of conversation?

I know we weren’t kissing or anything, and I didn’t explicitly tell him “Oh, by the way, I’m really attracted to you!”, but still.


(of sorts. because there doesn’t seem to be that much of a deal going on).

Please drop a hint in the conversation if you’re taken, somewhere in those first ten hours of conversation.



Filed under Dealbreaker, General, Rules

6 responses to “Dealbreakers (III)

  1. Well, the sad thing is it could get worse. I met a man through work and had one of those moments that led into endless conversations and seemingly accidental touching of each others arms and hair and cheeks… And somewhere in the beginning of the evening, I thought I was being smart. One of our colleagues had just recently married, so when the wedding came up I asked this guy I was talking to if he was, and he replied “No. I’m divorced.” And I thought “ka-ching!” Needless to say, we started seeing each other.

    A couple of weeks later, after intense dates and long hours on the phone and me thinking I really was the luckiest, he suddenly said he “had to tell me something” and stuttered out that he already had a girlfriend, who was visiting our workplace in two days. So he thought it would be a good thing if at least one of his girlfriends knew about the other… I was completely shocked. And he just shot a very innocent glance at me and said “I thought you knew and didn’t care…”

    Well, duh. Needless to say – that was our last date. I was as heartbroken as I was angry and had to meet this jerk every day at work for several months after the reveal.

    But hey, I learned something. I learned that if you ask someone if he’s married, he doesn’t have to answer “No, but I have a girlfriend.” A simple yes or no could be true and yet so false. So every date I had after this schmuck I asked “Is there a woman in your life?”

    Maybe the longest comment in the world, but I really like your blog! 🙂

  2. The friend didn’t seem sure – “I think…” Did you later establish whether the guy was definitely taken? I’m imagining a mini tragedy, where he was in fact single, and has been wondering to this day what on earth he did wrong…

    • W.

      Nope, the friend may have been unsure whether that’s really where they had met, but D. was definitely taken. No chick-flick turn of fates here…

  3. Yup; been there, done that… The guy (M) was on my floor in the dorm a few years ago. Fortunately one of his ‘housemates’ was a friend of mine so she told me way before he would have that he’d mentioned a girlfriend back home in the States… Thank God for Aussie girls with the guts to give you the bad news!

  4. Pingback: Nighttime is My Time… « I Wish There Were A Manual For Life

  5. V.

    nah, a boy/girlfriend is not a dealbreaker when you have special chemistry, it’s just a hurdle. Sometimes really great relationships blossom when somebody is already taken. Did you care to inquiry whether the guy felt more connection with you or the other girl? It sounds like a lost good chance to me.

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