Several of my friends have commented on how in this blog I seem to focus on the negative aspects of dating and on things that went wrong, even though I obviously enjoy it enough to keep going out with people. I can partly explain this bias by the fact that this is not meant as an exhaustive log of my love life, but rather as a creative outlet with the theme of dating. As rule violations give more food for thought than when everything is going smoothly, I find myself sticking to those. Also it is much easier to make entertaining stories out of bad dates, than out of good ones. I also want to avoid sounding too cheesy or starry-eyed.
Anyway, there’s always trying, so I’m going to give it a go and analyse “my favourite things”. These are like the counterpart to dealbreakers, all the little features that turn a date from so-so to interesting (or from total disaster to ok).
I went out with a guy I had met online. We had exchanged the obligatory friendly messages vetting each other for obvious flaws, and upon not finding any agreed to meet in a pub. We had a few drinks, talked about current affairs, the golden era of Russian literature and particle physics, or whatever else came to the mind. Ok, I have no idea what we talked about. It wasn’t a horrible date, but not really much to write home or blog posts about either.
We left the pub, and on exiting I saw that he was wearing his sweater backwards. I had previously thought it was a crewneck, but there was a definite V-neckline in the back, showing that he was wearing it back-to-front. I pointed this out to him, and after checking the front of his sweater (and finding a tag) he replied, completely deadpan, “No, I’m not wearing it backwards.”. I didn’t want to insist, and he repeated firmly but with a slight grin “I think this is how it’s supposed to be worn.”. Then we just broke out in laughter.
It is really hard to explain, but somehow this random moment felt much more intimate than the three hours of conversation beforehand. He seemed to have picked up on it, because the short message I received afterwards referred to only two things: our fight about spearmint vs. peppermint gum (urm, I mean Dostoyevsky vs. Tolstoy) and the fact that backward sweaters were almost certainly becoming a hype for autumn/winter 2010.
I can’t really draw a rule from this or even sum it up clearly, but showing a little vulnerability or imperfection and glossing over it with charm and humour certainly is a good thing in my books.
So there it goes, a positive dating story. However, I still didn’t go on a second date with him. Although the message was cute, the date in itself was just too uninspiring.